danhacker: Calico Horse - Idioteque (Radiohead...
Am I the only one who has never heard a Lady Gaga...
frangry: And doesn’t really give a shit? No, you have. She’s the one you probably think is Katy Perry or Kelly Clarkson.
mel: i know who can solve the auto industry problem!
molly: i ride the bus. whatevs.
mel: VIN DIESEL.
mel: His last name is DIESEL for crissakes.
mel: cars are in his blood.
molly: he'll wrinkle his brow all mad-like at the GM guys and say, "Don't make me come over there."
mel: and then he'll drive a 454 Mustang off the top of a Guatemalan oil tanker to his fortress in the clouds
molly: what about the rest of the reunited cast? can they help?
mel: fuck no. paul walker looks like a lost golden retriever
molly: michelle rodriguez would just shiv somebody for booze
mel: and jordana brewster is two years away from looking like your dad's favorite leather couch.
molly: she's got a great rack.
mel: don't distract me. I've got big problems to solve with my friend vin.
mel: if you can't reach me, i'm in his other fortress. The underwater one.
mel: we race souped up dolphins.
One of the only memories I have of my biological father and probably my only good memory of him is of the two of us in a record store in Harvard Square shortly after I had met him for the first time at the age of five. We were walking through the aisles of crates looking for something specific and he said to me “Do you know what kind of music they’re playing right now?” I...
They decided to separate. She got wind he was seeing somebody and he...– Sorry! Can’t relate.
Southside - Moby ft. Gwen Stefani Oh man, so last...
pancakes & boners
Me: Aw, dude! Tonight might be the night we go to IHOP!
Steve: Dude, don't give me like, a semi and then give me the cool breeze.
walpaper: Galapagos The Smashing Pumpkins
walpaper: Gossamer, Live 12/13/08 The Smashing...
walpaper: The Rose March, Live 12/2/08 The...
my new media background might be biting me in the...
Me: Don't you think our online audience is smarter than our television audience? With our online content, shouldn't we be aiming to appeal to younger kids and not our TV audience who likely can't even check their email?
Co-Worker: I guess...
Me: I mean, we need to be thinking that this thing has the potential to go viral. 20 million page views, the front page of Funny or Die!
Co-Worker: (long pause) OK, well... you take it from here.
OMG, so remember like 2 weeks ago when I thought my life was over ‘cause my computer was dead and I was super sad? WELL, today I got my laptop back and not only was all the junk that was wrong with it fixed, but it looked like new! A whole new keyboard and everything! Thanks to Juan and Seth over at the Apple Store in the Grove for taking care of me that day and making sure my life’s...
mel: damn. did the president just fire the head of GM?
mel: this is getting real.
molly: oh god. i'm next. i'm next.
molly: i can't get fired.
mel: are you secretly the CEO of a car company that's been receiving bailout money?
molly: no, but I stole a shitload of snacks and office supplies from work, and i've been feeling really guilty.
molly: it's been eating me up inside.
mel: actually that might just be because you've been eating nothing but goldfish and red vines for the last week.
molly: interesting theory.
molly: sidebar - is it bad to throw up bile? i can never remember.
Method Man blames his car repossession on a memory... →
ericmoneypenny: I like my phone, but I shoulda put a ring on it. -E
the entire room of people i'm with just...
oh wait, i live in hollywood.
Based on the research, it is thought that cellulite begins when an accumulation...– If you need me, I’ll be on the floor of my shower with a gun in my mouth.
i don't know how to say this
so I’m just going to say it: I just found a patch of cellulite on my leg right below my right ass cheek. That’s never happened to me before. I just found the first skin-colored sack of cottage cheese that God stapled to my body, and I’m not Julia Roberts or whatever so I can’t pay to have it sand-blasted off or whatever the fuck it is that those rich people who...
i just threw away two uneaten moon pies and...
thus officially ending the great moon pie binge of 2009.
stop being such a cuntsack, molls.
I had a hearty laugh at someone’s expense the other day because they thought Coachella was in June. I was all “Pssshhhh! Can you believe that bitch!?!?!?! She thinks it’s in June!?!?!” and I laughed and laughed and laughed. And then I was just thinking about it and I was all “Shut up, you spoiled scene cunt. What the fuck is your problem? You’re from Boston....