There are five teenagers being arrested in front...
I says to the guy, I says to him ‘You running with a gang?’ and he...– Had a real colorful conversation with the neighbors just now.
fuck my life.
There are these handy type dudes that live in my building. I thought they’d be good guys to help me move my AC unit. I unscrewed it, called them over and they came and attempted to lift it out of the window. Instead of pulling, they pushed. The AC fell from my second story window and in to the driveway and now there is a pile of useless screws and plastic all over the cement. It’s...
molly: so dick cheney is all up in obama's face about the CIA torture investigations.
molly: apparently, he's worried that people won't "sign up" for future torture missions if we go after these guys.
mel: I like the idea that there's a "signup" sheet on a cork board somewhere, like for glee club or the one-act play.
molly: yeah, then they go audition in the cafetorium.
mel: "I'll be doing the stage manager's opening from "Our Town", then kicking a hooded man in the testicles for five minutes."
molly: then they all crowd around the cork board later to see if they got the part.
molly: there's a lot of crying and hugging and forced congratulations.
mel: it's just like FAME, but with more internal bleeding.
Considering going half with you on your baby.– Jadakiss
Probably Groucho Marx or Red Skeleton or something. People aren’t funny...– Steven on ShitMyDadSays. Yeah… it’s probably Red Skeleton.
suckafuck: DJ AM - 120 minute Power 106 Mix This...
crack is whack.
SUMMER OF DEATH TOUR 2009 →
slippy: Just put together this list of everyone notable who died this summer. Did I miss anyone?
John Kennedy inspired our country. Bobby Kennedy challenged our country. And Ted...– from Chris Dodd’s eulogy tonight at the Kennedy Library (via derbygirl)
The Summer of Death has me feeling just a tad bit...
winstonwolfe: If I were a celebrity, I’d be hiding under my bed until Labor Day. I’m pretty sure that The Summer of Death isn’t exclusive to the famous. I’m sure some Normies have left us, too.
things that were wasted on me in my youth
Mom: I read your blog today. You forgot to mention that you saw Bob Dylan, The Grateful Dead and David Bowie.
Me: I've seen Bob Dylan before?
Mom: Oh yeah, I needed to make sure you saw The Dead, too.
DJ AM Was Found Dead In His NYC Apartment →
Apparently drug paraphernalia was found in his apartment. So tragic. I can’t handle this summer.
Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick…– a text from Steven
So, I was just watchng that Party in the FIP video for the 1,000th time and I got really mad at Miley Cyrus because I was like “Party in the USA? Party in the fucking USA, bitch? What USA have you been living in, Miley? The kind with 17 year old superstars and hot Australian co-stars and fucking unicorn puppies and ice cream surprises and money parties?” I’m turning in to a...
IKEA changes font, typophiles lose their minds. →
frangry: (via soupsoup) I would rather be described as a pedophile than a “typophile”. What the hell is wrong with you nerds?
Two hipsters angrily call each other "hipster" -... →
(via jakec) Ned Hepburn and I really should have gotten a copyright for that public fight we had a few months back.
Reservations Available for Sept 5th Show w/ host... →
atencio: Human Giant’s Paul Scheer is hosting the Midnight Show this month, and I’ll have at least a couple new videos in it as well. Throw in the complimentary massage* and guess what, you’ve just run out of excuses for not attending. *complimentary massage may be neither complimentary nor enjoyable
The drinking is taking its toll and making her take silly risks. Her record...– A friend of Lily Allen (via EvilBeet) Once Steven told me he spells “behavior” with a “u” and I laughed for about an hour. Also, Lily Allen has nothing to worry about. It sounds like she’s having a total blast.
I made this for Chuck in response to his last...
Let me tell you a little about my day. I woke up...
Does that mean I'm BEYONCE!?!
Wifey: .... He's like Lil' Wayne and I'm like Jay Z
Me: Oooooohh, does that mean I'm Beyonce!?!
Wifey: Yeah, you're Beyonce then
molly: do you think barry is more like a SHARK or a CAT?
mel: definitely neither. he's definitely some sort of animal we've never heard of.
molly: like a at least a step below a shark in terms of anger and a step above a cat in terms of fierceness, so maybe like a dolphin/tiger?
mel: a diger? or a tolphin? yeah.
mel: that's poss. i feel he's more fantastical than that though. maybe a lamb and a ocelot.
molly: he could be a locelot or a oceamb, I'll give you that, but that's really not that fantastical.
mel: true. i'm thinking he's more like a cross between a fire-breathing dragon and a basket of adorable ferrets that are named things like "flower" and "jennifer"
molly: yeah. he's totally a fegon named jennifer.
mel: good work today.
molly: yeah, i try.