"it's nothing to be ashamed of" →
Pissing yourself, Whoopi? Pissing yourself is nothing to be ashamed of? Shut up.
I ordered a Zima, not emphysema, OK?– I hung out with Steven today. This is how he told me I was ruining his lunch with my chain smoking. Whatta soulmate. [UPDATE: Steven just admitted to me that he stole this joke from The Simpsons and that really angered me. He saw how hard that made me laugh. He should have copped to his joke...
HIV Infection Rates in D.C. Higher than Ethiopia,... →
I was just with someone who once lived in Washington D.C. like, yesterday. Devastating! (No, but seriously. Watch out for AIDS.)
mr. clean magic eraser, but for feelings
When “he’s just not that into you” and you’ve done everything short of acting like a completely desperate lunatic, you should just get to be over it. The Universe should just do you that one favor because like, hey! You did what you could.
Not super long ago my friend Ted Beke cut this video of stuff I’ve done together for a project we’re working on. It’s like a reel of my vlogs, kind of. It’s not really a reel, so I just titled it “Molly McAleer is Charming” on Vimeo, ‘cause like… TRUE. Anyway, if you want to watch it, it’s there and you can if you care to. Show it to your...
evolving emotionally is radically different than...
don’t get it twisted, little sisters.
My sense of humor is ruining (almost) all of my relationships. I used to think...– LOOK it’s MEY I don’t want to call out a young woman on Tumblr like this, but I feel like I’m doing her a disservice if I don’t: You’ve convinced yourself that who you are is a problem, and that is your only problem. Yeah, sure. Maybe put a filter on your acid-tongue...
Oh. Thank God we didn’t take Ambien and all hook up last night. That would...
If you ask a fish what it’s like at the bottom of the ocean and he’s...– Natasha just reached the next level.
planettampon: Trina - I Need Thank you,...
It’s hard to take the undermining behavior of another woman seriously when she has what can only be described as an “anorexia mustache”.
i forgot to change my t-shirt for four days.
i’ve been “working on something”
Whenever I hear a girl complaining that a guy used her, I instantly lose respect...– Dear Coke Talk: On how not to get used. OK, YUP! YUP.
I’ve been “going through...
they found boner from growing pains dead in a... →
"I decided my generation got a raw deal when it... →
This girl’s my favorite.
fantastical creature update
Me: Hi. I'm wearing most of my same clothes from yesterday.
Alan: I'm wearing all of my same clothes from yesterday.
KiNda FaBuLoUs: 4 Days!!! (4 Reals!!) →
Have you ever been telling someone about some stupid essay or internet comment you read and they’ve said something to you like, “Man, some people shouldn’t even be allowed to use the Internet.” I disagree with that. Stupid people should be extra allowed to use the Internet because they really need it. What they shouldn’t be allowed to do is CONTRIBUTE. Actually, I...
isn't it weird that mark kerrigan is still allowed...
I’m really, really excited about Nicki because I think that what Nicki has...– Sean Garrett on Nicki Minaj