probably got the job
Interviewer: What do your nails say?
Me: Um... they say 'deez nutz'
Interviewer: What does 'deez' mean?
Me: It's just this thing... It's like a hood thing.
Me: You don't know that expression? 'Deez Nutz'?
Interviewer: I'm a gay white man. What do I know about hood things?
Me: I know a lot of gay white men who know all about hood things.
How Hipsters Break Up
hipsterdate: I dunno. I feel like most hipsters hope to make it on the blog.
"I called a local florist and said: ‘Can you do... →
it’s important to have people in your life who will say no to you when you need to hear it.
i lost cooper :(
Yo, you know how there are followers and there are leaders? I think “followers” is too nice of a word. Especially with our use of it in social networking. From now on there are leaders and there are “dick riding fools”. Are you a leader or are you a dick riding fool? Think about it. I’m going to watch Wife Swap.
started early today
On what album did Mariah Carey start including a lot of topical/pop culture references in her singles? I feel like that’s been her thing as of the last couple years, but I can’t think of one example of her doing it pre-Emancipation of Mimi. I think the lyric “Like a Calgon commercial” from “Shake It Off” counts. I can’t think of a single she’s had...
"What we do know is that she has a record of... →
I was doing some uhhh, lighthearted research on Kevin Federline’s girlfriend Victoria Prince and that alarming statement was part of her bio on some gossip site. A “terror campaign”? Um, that is really unacceptable. Trust me, I want to terrorize people all day every day and it takes a lot of restraint, but it’s necessary. Terrorizing folks isn’t OK.
Richard Lawson’s Real Housewives recaps are the bestest thing out there. His New York recaps are classic, but last night I was going through the Jersey archives and they were killing me. I don’t think it matters if you watch the shows or not, it’s just hilarious writing.
had this lovely exchange with my podcast partner...
Me: By the way, you can stop saying things that make me sound like a slut on the podcast.
Jordan: You can stop saying things that make me sound old.
Me: You are old.
Jordan: You are a slut.
Me: You wish! *door slam*
"He can still have a field day," says attorney... →
- What Conan O’Brien can and can’t say at the Emmys, TheHollywoodReporter
dogs dressed like lady gaga →
“What is this? Like, strong guys and stuff like that?”
figured something out
Here’s something obvious: If you’re ever talking to a male or a female and they start up on some, “I don’t know why you like me, you’re too attractive/cool/funny/whatever for me” shit, they mean it and they’re doing you a favor. If someone tells you they’re a loser, they’re not lying. Only a loser would feel the need to point out that...
sara's mom and sister are staying with us and i...
Mom: What movie are you watching?
Sister: John Tucker Must Die.
Mom: John Tucker Must Die. That sounds encouraging and uplifting.