deeply excited about these as an idea of book... →
In case you were wondering, the weirdest places I’ve ever seen you cry is...– Kristina, texting me about why she didn’t leave me in the Gap while I cried about The Muppets.
Pretty sure virgins in their late 20s and early 30s who have never been kissed are the opposite of teen parents, yet they all make the best reality television subjects. Discuss.
My health insurance still hasn’t kicked in (I guess, like, you need to have a certain amount of “points” to get WGA insurance, and I don’t even know what “points” are, really. I’ve been told that they collect over time and that you get a lot if you like, sell a pilot or something that’s bigger than being on a staff. People have laughed at me for not...
Wags kills us with this bit. I snort in this video.
letter to my younger self
Last night I did the HelloGiggles Live show at the UCB. The the theme was “Letters to My Younger Self”, based off the column by Ingrid Haas. If you came out last night, thank you. I’m woke up sick Saturday morning and I felt super gross, but I still had fun being there and reading this to y’all. Dear Fourteen Year Old Molly, Don’t touch your hair. You will start out with...
things took a dark turn at the end of our meeting...
Sophia: I watched the movie Mermaids the other day.
Molls: That movie freaks me out.
Sophia: Me too.
Molls: I rented it on my ninth birthday and it was way too much for me.
Sophia: Did you watch it with your friends?
Molls: No. I watched it with my mom and her boyfriend, Bill.
Sophia: Bill?! Did you like Bill?
Molls: No. He was an alcoholic. I have a pretty sordid past.
10 Full Minutes Of Divas Dissing Other Divas →
Yeah. Like a midget stripper hasn’t already cleaned my car to that.– Steven, in response to me asking if we could play “We Found Love” on my iPod in his car.
I think maybe the ultimate example of me being a brat is the disappointment on my face when I got the Google results for “Watch the Throne set list.” NO “VENUS VS. MARS”? NO “DECEMBER 4TH”? NO “CAN I GET A…?” I don’t care about Kanye live because I saw him when he toured colleges after Graduation (I saw “Family Business”...
things i thought about today
i think the idea of “alone time” is really romantic and i strive to have as much of it as possible, but when it’s happening, it feels pathetic/boring. like, i really want to just go to a movie theater alone for an entire fifteen hours and see like, four movies, but i think i would cry in the bathroom between every movie (or at least between the last two and on the ride home) if...
Exactly this time about seven years ago, I lost the two of the most important people in my life within in a six day span. Two deaths, seemingly impossible to morn individually, happened one right after the other. I’ve repressed a lot of my feelings surrounding these deaths for many years. I’ve buried the pain that will may leave under a blanket of feigned courage and denial, never...
cholas at the vet talking about 'breaking dawn'
1: You see the new Twilight?
2: No. I never got into it like all that.
1: I saw it this weekend. It was real good.
2: You went with Sammy and them?
2: Yeah. She like, loves it. What happened?
1: Well, like. Kristen Stewart got pregnant but the baby was like, crushing bones or something because it was growing too fast.
2: Wait, who did she get pregnant by?
2: Oh, right. Okay.
1: So like, all of her friends were like, 'You should not have that baby,' but she was like, 'No, I want to keep it,' and then she died.
2: She died? You wouldn't expect that because her character is really popular.
1: Yeah, she died. She got all sick and she looked like, crazy.
1: But she came back to life as a vampire.
2: She hadn't been one before?
1: No. That's the whole thing.
gwyneth paltrow shouldn't have cheated on her...
Buy yourself a one-way ticket to Taiwan, skank. Good night.– Ed
That Sister Wives husband is so goddamn arrogant. I can’t handle it. It breaks my brain. Like, where does one get off behaving the way that he does? Yo, I know that my generation is supposed to be the generation of narcissists, but I’m telling you, it’s the generation right before my generation that’s the problem. Like, Gen X/Gen Dubs, if that’s even a thing....
I can’t even think about how much I love Peter Gabriel without crying to the point where I wonder if it’s possible that I was molested by him as a child. (watch this.)
haiku about getting dressed
Saving a nice shirt Why? Today is beautiful You will do laundry