lol lol lol
lol lol lol
no one ever talks about how all songs are written...
like, i didn't even get it.
Molls: I forgot my security pass, they won't let me on the lot.
Security Guard: (looking at my ID) Do you write for Conan?
Molls: No, 2 Broke Girls.
Security Guard: You should write for Conan.
Molls: No, I like my show.
Security Guard: But you look like you should write for Conan.
Molls: Okay, but I don't. Can I get on the lot? I need to be there in five minutes.
Security Guard: Of course, but I think you should write for Conan. You look like you should.
Molls: I have to be at work in five minutes.
Security Guard: We'll get you there, but I love Conan.
this is who i've been sleeping with →
(beside the dog, the two laptops, the assortment of hoodies and twelve pillows)
Ed made a pretty strict rule that if I ever hook up with brothers (as in men who are siblings), he’ll spread vicious rumor that I’m a slut and never stop judging me, but CAN I SAY that I was oddly turned on by the Manzo brothers fighting off Kim G. on the last episode Real Housewives of New Jersey? Albie I would have always done, although I suspect he is a homosexual. Albie is hot and...
what are the top 3 most played songs on your...
Mine: Rude Boy - Rihanna My Girls (My Girls) - Childish Gambino My Little Corner of the World - Yo La Tengo I challenge you to not embarrass yourself.
Me: Girl, are you up on Creflo Dollar?
Sara: CREFLO?! That sounds like a vagina disease!
I know I just said that Nikki Finke was a cat breastfeeder and that was aggressive and I should probably just call it a night, but I just saw on Facebook that this dude I loved for like, six months in college (from afar, kind of, except we made out in his top bunk bed once) got married and I’m like, devastated. His mom came for parents weekend and she was like, “Who is that pretty...
Julia Stiles was behind Sara and I in yoga today and now I’m afraid she thinks we’re retards which is SUPER DEPRESSING.
my five favorite things of the week are on... →
I COULDN’T SHUT UP THIS WEEK!
I know I have a generous heart because I’m eating a sandwich in bed and the pickles aren’t even cut in to little squares but I’m still happy to be alive.
can't help myself
Dude Behind Me in Line at Target Holding a Bucket: (to his friend) After the age of 30, there are just certain things you need to do yourself. If you've decided you need to clean your apartment and you need a bucket, go buy a fucking bucket. That's why I hate this guy. He comes by and he borrows my bucket and it's been what? A year? It's been a year. He lives with his girlfriend, he wants to clean his house, he can go buy a bucket. He's probably going to need it for the rest of his life, but he borrows mine. So why? So I can be inconvenienced now? He didn't want to be inconvenienced, so now I'm inconvenienced. I'm buying a bucket right now. That's why this guy pisses me off, it's so inconsiderate.
Me: Sorry to interrupt, but have you considered calling the police?
miss u 4 ever, girl.
Hailey Glassman Stranded in Haiti →
Despite the travel alerts warning American citizens not to travel to Haiti, the ladies flew down yesterday to the Dominican Republic where they took a five-hour cab ride to Haiti and things soon took a turn for the worse. On the way, the cab driver hit a pedestrian, and the locals decided to take the law into their own hands by beating the driver to a pulp – while Hailey and Kerry ran for...
If someone lives in your house or comes every day of the week except for Sundays and the main part of their job description is to clean, that is a maid. If you someone comes to your apartment once a week to shuffle your junk mail into a pile and wipe the stray pubes off your toilet, that is a cleaning person. Welcome to the 21st century and the majority like, half of the 20th century.
I don’t care about Burt Reynolds.– something i never knew until i said it.
eat the frog →
My mom’s second piece is up on HelloGiggles!
mr. basil update
That fool Mr. Basil is thirsty ALL. OF. THE. TIME! I have been doing research, and I am afraid Mr. Basil will drown because he’s drinking more than the average basil plant should want or need. I just use a Solo cup to give him his water because I don’t have a watering can and we have those around the house because I’m a 21 year old guy on the inside. Probably one named Drew or...
Chatting with New Media Allstar: Molly (Molls)... →
Talked about Juggalos, health food and the future with Nicola Hyde at Bitchin Lifestyle
put a belt on your pajamas and throw on some earrings and you’re killin’ it!!!!