THIS IS THE ULTIMATE REGIFT….
My parents have these neighbors who are Scientists and I capitalize that word because I really respect it and I want to put that out there up front.
ANYWAY, so these neighbors have lived next to my parents for three years and even though they come over every Sunday for my step dad’s “Patio Daddio” parties, they’ve never acknowledged my parents on Christmas. My parents aren’t the type to care, though. Mom’s like, “Oh, they’re curing diseases. I don’t expect them to get us anything.”
But then today the mom of the family dropped off a wrapped package and said happy holidays to my parents while I smoked a cigarette in the driveway and concentrated on dying. Everyone else was busy getting ready to go to the family holiday party so no one bothered to open it until just now…
YO, THIS BITCH REGIFTED FUDGE THAT EITHER HER SCIENTIST HUSBAND, NERDY-ASS SON OR CRAZY DAUGHTER ATE AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT.
My mom brought this fudge down to me in my brother’s Sacramento Kings themed bedroom and was like, “Girl, LOL!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS!!!”
And I’m doing that thing right now.
But I just wanted to tell you that we’re for real not passing judgment on these neighborhomies because they’re curing diseases and we’re DEFINITELY not. In fact, we’re probably creating them.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, BTW. IF YOU’RE READING THIS, I LOVE YOU.