When someone’s hurt you and the opportunity presents itself to completely deflate them, do you go for it?
One of my friends and I have been talking about this a lot recently. When you’re hurt and you feel like there are still things to get off your chest, there’s nothing you want more than to find the person that hurt you and unload those feelings. You want to do it as eloquently as possible, you want that movie moment where you look the person who caused you pain in the eyes and cause them even greater pain back.
My initial instinct is to say yes, go for it. Tell that jerk exactly what their problem is and move on with your life knowing that you gave them a sense of self-awareness that they likely don’t even deserve. Something about saying, “Everyone I know thinks you’re a piece of shit and they’re right,” sounds like it would feel really good, right?
It doesn’t. Any time I’ve ever tried to get the final word in, I’ve just given myself one more incident to replay in my head and punish myself for. One more thing to try and get over. When I was in the process of unloading whatever crap it was I’d come up with to say, I was sure I was hammering that final nail in the coffin. Instead, I was taking a step back from my progress in moving on and growing from whatever it was that the pain was supposed to teach me in the first place.
The thing is, I’ve realized that the only situations I’ve ever “won” in were the ones where I kept my chin up and just kept going. I didn’t look back and worry about what the person who crossed me was doing or who they were talking to, because it was beside the point. I got what I wanted. I got the bad shit out of my life.
I’ve said this before, but when someone’s done you wrong, they almost always know it. They know why you’re no longer speaking to them. They understand why your friends look past them when they walk in a room. Silence just makes all of that stuff louder, and if you’ve ever been on the other end of this kind of treatment, you know that it’s hell.
Basically, like, don’t give your dog people food.