I’m about to start watching a documentary called Eminem: Diamonds and Pearls. I should prolly just liveblog this. I’ll update this post as I go.

6:29 - Credits.

6:28 - “Reality is the basis to Eminem’s work.” - Expert Bro

6:28 - Damn. Conclusion-status. They’re talking about his entrepreneurial skillz.

6:27 - G.Unit Sneakers

6:26 - There’s only like, three minutes left. :(

6:25 - This producer dude is saying that signing 50 gave Eminem street cred and gave Dr. Dre his street cred back. That’s really powerful when you think about it.

6:22 - Eminem had to bid a million dollars to get 50 to sign to Shady Records. Damn. That’s so ideal for 50 Cent.

6:20 - Steven just called and we had a being busy contest.

ME: Hi, I can’t really talk because I’m liveblogging a documentary right now.

STEVEN: Yeah, I can’t talk either. I wanted to text you, but I had to call you because it was quicker.

OK… I’m going to finish watching this bad bitch.

6:11 - Damn. Lost my place ‘cause I tried to be clever and go back again to hear that British guy. I need to let that go. BRB

6:09 - Just want to say as a side note, I know 50’s mad smart because he invested in Glaceau and then they sold it to Coca-Cola and his cut was 400 million. Like, damn! Thought you knew! Vitamin Water is the most lucrative liquid on the planet!

6:08 - OK. I spaced toward the end of D12, and now we’re on 50.

6:05 - Expert Bro is really struggling to define Eminem’s persona when he raps with D12. He just said “His main love behind his daughter is music.” Out of no where! You can tell they interviewed him on events chronologically and that’s just something he wanted to stick in because he had nothing to say toward the end. Mmm mmm. Been there.

6:03 - LOL. Eminem’s old manager looks like Ben/Jerry:

He looks like a camp counselor. Like the one “really chill” male counselor at Girl Scout camp that all the fat CITs were in love with. The guy who was in charge of the lake. He wasn’t a lifeguard, really. He just had a whistle and control over the kayaks.

6:02 - D12 just happened.

6:00-

The title cards alone make watching this worth it. Not really. I don’t know anymore.

5:59 - I am replaying this British dude’s last comment (which was a huge hassle) because I want to give him a chance to explain himself, but forreal: I have no idea what this dude is saying.

5:57 - Straight up: I don’t even understand what this British dude just said.

5:55 - Earring guy says that 8 Mile helped Eminem’s next CD “go big time”

5:54 - Robert Claus doesn’t know why the character based on him in 8 Mile was named Cheddar Bob. But like, IDK… I don’t think that it was based on him. I think that Robert Claus is kind of being arrogant. Like, “That’s not even you, Robert.”

5:53 - Friend and ex-producer Robert Claus is back.

5:52 - This one bro is talking about the cinematography in 8 Mile like Eminem was responsible for it.

5:51 - K. I’m back. I went back to the part where the narrator lady said “Brian Grazer” again.

5:46 - LOL. Had to pause for the video to load. Buckwild!

5:44 - They’re like, reviewing 8 Mile.

5:42 - FIRST BRIAN GRAZER MENTION

5:41 - BTW, check out this guy with the crewneck and the earring:

5:40 - So for the last 4 minutes, they’ve had all the experts on talking about Eminem’s disrespect of women and all of them have come to the conclusion that since he has not actually killed any women in his life, he’s not actually being disrespectful.

5:36 - This British dude said rap is all about “medallions and chains and dissing and braggadocio.”

5:35 - Oh, yup. Here comes the Jimi Hendrix comparison.

5:34 - We’re 42 minutes in to a 73 minute documentary and they’re just now mentioning that it was “different” for Eminem because he’s white.

5:31 -

They’re playing a radio interview of Eminem reacting to the GLADD backlash and he keeps being like “you know what I mean, you know what I mean?”

5:30 - They’re talking about G.W. Bush. :( I miss Robert Claus, friend and ex-producer.

5:29 -

This dude just compared The Eminem Show to “Kiss meets R.E.M.”

5:28 - Why doesn’t anyone ever hire me to explain Eminem lyrics?

5:26 - Expert Bro just pointed out that Em’s slow rapping on “Cleaning Out My Closet” was an artistic choice.

5:25 - Well, they just filled two minutes with some unnamed British dude essentially saying “Eminem is different from most celebrities in that he is very open about his private life and checkered past.”

5:21-

OMG! This bro got soooo full of himself. He’s explaining all of Eminem’s different personas right now and he sounds so sure of himself, but he actually sounds like a moron.

5:16 - LOL. This bro expert AKA Expert Bro just dared me to get “My Name Is” out of my head after listening to it. He was like, “I dare you to get that song out of your head.” Ummm, you seem kind of confident for a bro who appears to have just read Eminem’s Wikipedia page before your interview.

5:15 -  LOL @ this bro expert who just said Dr. Dre is a “very serious dude.” LOL OKAY, BRO!

5:14 - This one producer is saying he would have worked with Eminem if he was white, black, Puerto Rican or Hatian. He didn’t care as long as his skill was on point. That’s mad accepting of him.

5:13 - This broish expert keeps clearing his throat after he says “LP” and “EP”, like perhaps he’s not sure of the difference.

5:11 - OK. We’re at the part where Marshall figures out that he has another personality called Slim Shady. That’s how this expert is explaining it, anyway.

5:07 -

Friend and ex-producer Robert Claus is explaining freestyle battles:

“He’d be like, ‘Bob, you’re a slob, get a job’ and stuff.”

5:05 - They really glossed over the death of Uncle Ronnie. Not cool because everyone knows how influential he was to Em. We should have spent more time learning about Uncle Ronnie.

5:04-

LOL @ this shirt.

5:02 - Robert Claus, friend and ex-producer, is explaining that Detroit radio had no love for Marshall at first. He’s wearing a red parka, like, in the interview.

5:00 - “You can tell the guy loves words.” - Eminem expert.

4:57 - “Eminem started dabbling with hip hop and rhymes when he was young.” - Eminem expert

4:55 - OMG, Em’s uncle just called Debbie a hornet!

4:53 -

This is the face the unnamed expert is making as he talks about Debbie’s pill addiction

4:52 - Warren, MI seems pretty cold and depressing. Also, they’re showing an abandoned van and talking about how poor Debbie and Marshall were.

4:50 - I already know this documentary is whack because the talking heads/”experts” look like such nerds. Em would be so mad if he saw this.

4:49 - Damn. Some British chick is explaining who Slim Shady is. Get to Kim!

4:48 PM - Damn! This shit is unauthorized and contains no music by Eminem!