I am a smart blogger.

I have a bigger vocabulary than you.

I write things in 100 words that it would take a lesser person only 30 words to write.

I have complicated metaphors about things like Butterfingers candy bars and swing sets that loop nicely back to annecdotes about my life that hold greater meaning.

People look to me to find meaning in their own lives and wish they could articulate themselves as aftfully and with the ease that I do.

People learn about themselves by reading about how when I was a child, I held the belief that each glasses screw contained its own small planet earth, and that my father had two small universes connecting the lenses that helped him see my own sparkling, perfect and youthful eyes. His vision has been bad since Vietnam.

Some days I fear that people will find out that I double check every fifth word that I write in the dictonary to be sure that it means exactly what I think it means.

I am the smartest blogger on the internet.